SICK, I'm so SICK.

i've got that feeling

that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. the nervousness you feel the night before a big day. well tomorrow is certainly a big day. its crazy that this case is not "in the bag" so to speak. police have gotten away more than a few times with killing innocent men in a barage a bullets. this one on a queen's street i walked on to get to the train station to go to work. i pray for justice for sean bell and his family especially his grieving widow (who has been the face of this case) and his children. i pray for justice for all the black men who have lost their lives at the hands of those hired to protect those very lives, and i pray for justice for all black men who walk these streets from various walks of life and are subjected to corrupt and polluted minds who happen to have a badge and gun .

Spring has Sprung

i was tempted to throw up foxy brown and kelis, candy, but i won't. fox is on my shit list right now.

took a long "lunch" yesterday and walked with the kids to get a manicure. The kids got manis and pedis, but i settled for just a mani cause i have a pedi spot that i will not stray from. you got to work sass' feet lmao...not like myra though...never that bad.


then we snuck back out for frozen yogurt..theres this spot called red mango..kinda like pinkberry, and they have things like cinnamon toast crunch, cap'n crunch, and fruity pebbles as toppings, and of course fresh fruit and some other ish..it was really good.

and then this morning *bats lashes* the man (along with idris elba) that lead me to the decision that i will no longer date any man under the age of 32 and does not have a little gray in his goatee, called me baby (in the most sexy way) and then told me i was beautiful. so because he is so gorgeous with his g.a.m (grown ass man) swag and acknowledged the effort i put into my look this morning, i gave him the upward glance (when you tilt your head down, look down, then gaze up), smiled, and said thanks, took my metro card, swiped it, and headed down the subway steps grinning like a fucking idiot. i've been told that i'm a flirt (tola), i don't think i am, but can see why its said. with him, i definitely am. that fool is fine! damn.

i also know to love his ass from a distance though. my judgment always seems to be questionable in this arena in my life. any man that i've kind of crushed on from afar or stated "i want him", i get him, and then him turns out to be the worst in some way or another. Nothing wrong with a little eyecandy though, so i'll be sure to be extra cute on the days i ride the train into the city, he deserves a little sweetness too for being so damn handsome.
...love a grown ass man. how much you wanna bet he's from brooklyn?
*singing* we like them boys up top from the bk!!*

...and because she's my babies' mother

...and I was trying to explain it to Tola a few weeks ago, and Belle made me think of it today...

The Warriors Reminder

I am awake
My mind is free
I am Creative
I love myself
My will power is strong
I am Brave
I practice patience
I dont judge folks
I give not to receive
I dont expect
I accept
I listen more than I talk
I know I'll change
I know you'll change
I'll hold on one more day
I start over when necessary
I create my own situations
I am cosmic
I dont have the answers
I desire to learn
I am the plan
I am strong
I am weak
I want to grow
I know I will
I take on responsibility
I hide myself from no one
Im on my path
Warriors walk alone
I wont let my focus change
Taking out the demons in my range...

-e.badu

Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem just came to mind also.
Damn Lauryn, come back to us...a chocolate girl needs you *sigh*

The Players

THE VETERAN - the one i feel the most comfortable with, the one that does unspeakable things to hearts. make you wonder how you're still standing. The one I know, the one that knows me, the one that just does not work no matter what, but feels like its supposed to at times. Most familiar with all things. But like a war vet, has been thru some things that he cannot seem to get passed even while no longer on the battlefield. Its too bad smh....makes beautiful babies though .


MR. UNTOUCHABLE - like stolen goods, he belongs to someone else, can't touch 'em. He's not mine. So of course, he says all the right things, all the right things. He's been around longer than all the others, but can't seem to get his ish together either. He's also known as the Candyman, damn it's sweet. BUT I can't be what he needs of me, because I won't play second voluntarily. And he won't be what I need of him, because he already has priorities at home.
In a perfect world, we would be together. It seems we compliment each other well, understand where the other is coming from, and are pretty like minded. We just may be friends forever though. That's cool too.

THE NON PROMISE MAKER - wasn't even going to touch on this one, but why not be thorough. This one makes no promises cause he won't come thru on sh!t!!!! Actually no, he gets no shine here. NEXT!


PEST - the one that on sight of a single IM or text sends me into a fit of rage. LEAVE ME ALONE, DAMN!!! I thought I liked you at one point (I don't know what the hell I was thinking). Thank goodness, I realized I didn't, but he's still on it. We were never "together", there may have been a kiss shared, but I'll never admit to that. I never even opened up, and when that doesn't happen naturally for me, theres always a reason. Sooner or later that person reveals themselves as not worthy. This time was no different. There's actually more than one like this. It just may be that time to switch screen names...i haven't done that in a while hmmm. No hard feelings...just please go away.


SIMPLY NOT THE ONE - so sweet, so polite, so damn respectful. Cool enough, rude enough (yes I like them rude), just simply not for me. You can't force pieces from 2 different puzzles together, either pieces fit, or they dont. We don't. I think he sees that, but pretends that he doesn't. I definitely do, and have already turned the light out in that room. Stop calling me. We can be cool when we see each other...an email here and there....a random text... but please, stop calling me.

SupercalliRANDOMlisticexpialodocious

<-- my bx tee i just got for 5 bucks and my junky desk

Imagine my excitement when I heard the lyrics "I was on 233rd and White Plains" seeping through my radio speakers then at parties. That right there is the ultimate repping of your city! Damn, the exact intersection of your home train station, homie hang out corner lol, your hood?! The crazy thing is, we don't even know who sings that song lol..what you know about 233rd and White Plains?? We don't know you! lol but all the same, maybe they went to the Baskin & Robins or something.. . Don't you hate when people say Baskin and Robinsons..lmao what is wrong with black people??

I'm listening to Ray J's album as I type. I'm thinking All I Feel, the title track is the stand out song on the album..we'll see what the rest has to offer. He has a song on there called A Girl from the Bronx. I thought it was going to be about me until I heard the "Ay Papis" in the background...he's talking about a girl in the South Bronx, lol I'm from all the way up top..land where the Jamaicans roam lol. ((bullet bullet Bullet))) <-- for Tola. Anyway, why is Ray-J's album more enjoyable than Mariah's. SADNESS. I don't know though, I'm gonna give Mariah's album a second listen, but I definitely was not moved when I listened to it yesterday. She named it e=mc2 but it is no Emancipation of Mimi..that was a great cd..its actually still on rotation. Ray J be singing the hell out of an ad lib on a song that is about nothing though lol, he hits those "er's' at the end of his words kinda hard too, I guess thats to be expected, he's from the west cost. And all he talks about is sexin a girl..usually a stripper. Uh oh, now he's talkin about niggas and bitches makin money. He's a funny dude though, heard him on the radio this morning.

And why did my co-worker say Mariah was sexy yesterday and that she could get it. What?!?! Mariah?!?! And don't get me wrong, I know there are dudes out there with a thing for Mariah, I was just totally surprised by this dude (he also sent me away from his desk and told me to come back when I believe in myself lol. That's another post though). I don't find anything attractive about Mariah but her voice. THEN this fool said he would rather get with Mariah than Janet. I've never heard that before. Not from a black man. Then he asked if I was a dude who I would choose. In my heart I wanted to say Janet, but I opted for neither. My inner lesbian doesn't want either one lol. But as far as Mariah goes, I can't get down with a woman over 35 that just simply refuses to dress or even act her age...and that Diva sh!t.. that sh!t will get you got. oh no...look at me talking like a girl from the bronx.. time to go lol

that is all (a la Miranda, The Devil Wears Prada).
....for now lol

...and because she's my babies' mother

*stolen from parlour...and posted on a few diff. sites

2 posts in one day!

Do yall know...

what I would do
to this man right here???

DAMN I need a grown ass man in my life, STAT!

*pictures stolen from ybf

Can't Knock the Hustle

After church a few Sundays ago in the almost empty sanctuary, a guy walking down the aisle with a large grin on his face walks right up to me and introduces himself and his wife. I'm a little confused as to why exactly they're speaking to me, but I smile offer him my hand to shake. He grabs and hugs me. As he begins to tell the story of how we are acquainted, I realize he is this guy my mother has been telling me about that is very fond of my son. Now, I don't feel so awkward. We begin to talk about the service and how good it was, and he lets me know it was the music that really did it for him. A little flag begins to wave inside, I couldn't figure out why, but it did. Then he says, "Cause you know, I'm a writer...I write music". Ohhhh, he's one of those. So I'm standing there being my charming self but I'm like why is he telling me this? So now we're standing outside the church talking (he and his wife are quite chatty), somewhere along the line he mentions a singer (if you can call him that) that I've had the displeasure of meeting. He goes "well you mom told me you didn't really care for him when you met him". Thats why my flag was waving, he knows. So I don't dive in the deep end, I keep the conversation going on a normal course. And he nudges me with his elbow and says to his wife "See {Sass} works for [insert job name here], she knows people (i know no one), she meets people (I meet no one, and why the hell did my mother tell you where I work??!?!?). I know all about you," he says to me. GRRRRRREEEAAAAAAAAAAAAT, I think to myself. Mind you, I don't work in the music industry, but that does not stop this man. Can't knock his hustle though.

I'm doing really well as far as shows go this year. I got to see Jay-Z and MJB a week ago (dying to go to the MSG show too) and found out I just got tix to see Kanyeezie (!!!) and I need to get on my tix to see Badu, cause if I see or saw no one else this year, I need to see her. There is nothing like Badu live, trust, NOTHING. But Jay-Z and Mary was amazing. Definitley Mary's show though. I love MJB, I'm 24, so she's raised me. Her's was the first cd I ever bought. That $11.99 at the Wiz damn near killed me, but Whats the 411? was sooo worth way more. I like Growing Pains. The 3 albums before that, not so much for me. But My Life (classic), Share My World (greatness), Mary (slept on), even The Tour (the live album) were all my joints. I left that show with an even deeper appreciation for Mary. I appreciate her growth personally and musically. People knock the "happy" Mary, but she did exactly what she was supposed to do, and that was better herself and evolve. And buying a 12.3 million dollar house with cash...Can't knock her hustle either!

I hope you miss your flight

I am......[Malcom X]

Missing: Muscle spasming good love

Rocking: A new short cut

Style: Sassy chic

Loving: Planning summer '09s get-away {yes, i know summer '08 had even arrived yet}

Mood: minorly* fabulous..trying to remain optimistic

Vibe: alwlays cool

Always: loving the idea of love

*yes I know "minorly" is not a word. i make shit up.