on my boob tube

pic stolen from concreteloop.com, taken by j.d. pooley, the new york times

I'm so damn excited The Hills are coming back! I missed my chance to watch the episode that will come on monday, but hopefully I'll get a chance sometime this week, I can't wait til Monday. That is my show! I can't stand Spencer's Dash Incredible looking ass. And Heidi is an idiot, Brody adorable, LC annoying, Audrina clueless, but they make for some good damn entertainment. To me, Heidi is past the point of redemption and if I was Lauren I wouldn't be her friend again. Brody is such a damn cutie, and we all know the cute ones are jerks, its a damn shame. I just wish dudes would be more upfront about their ish..it would make things a whole lot easier. Anyway, lets move away from that topic. Either way, I can't wait to see how this ish on The Hills plays out.

Danity Kane's album was up on the leak on mtv.com last week, I listened. Didn't like. Not impressed at all. Pretty disappointing since the first album was pretty good and they hyped this one up on the show like it was the 2nd coming of Jesus. Day 26 (I HATE THAT NAME)'s album is up there this week. I have to give it a listen, Toli says its pretty damn good. I'm sooo not interested in them though. They can sing their asses off, don't get me wrong, but they are boring to me. I don't think any of them are cute, and I think behind the scene reality shows sometimes do more harm to these groups than good. All the boys are starting to get on my nerves, I'd rather have their personalties be more of a mystery to me. That would make me read articles about and interviews with them faster. And Puff should've rethought the haircut he gave Robert..that shit is ALL WRONG! He looks like a big ass doofball and got played like one too. At the end of the day, that man called him a bitch ass on national television. And he ate it, swallowed it whole...coppin pleas and sh!t. I'm not saying he had to pop off, but.....contrary to popular belief Puff is a mere mortal, and he (a man) called you (supposedly a man) a bitch ass on live television. period.

So lots of interesting little opportunities have presented themselves to me, so its evident I need to be writing more, here personally on my blog, and seeing about hitting up a creative and media writing class also. Its time to make all the little dreams come true, and I guess life and destiny moves forward at its own pace, totally disregarding how I drag my feet, so its time for me to catch up and maximize.

Definitely dragging myself to a MAC counter or store for my Heatherette goodies. Can't afford it right now, but what kind of collector would I be if I didn't pick up a few things?? More than anything I want the carrying case and a few lip glosses.

I'm also starting a sewing class in April. I don't know how, but its important for me to push myself out of my comfort zone right now. I'm investing in my future and my happiness.

Also got some events coming up so maybe I'll begin to recap those things here. Its all about documentation, right?

Come on baby! Mama needs a new pair of shoes..

Sadly my shoe game is not what it used to be. Have a baby go up a size and suddenly your shoe wardrobe goes to shit, and so do you finances so there's very little help for new shoes (well not for you at least). I've been killing on pair of boots this fall/winter. I mean KILLING them. I love them! They are perfect for me. Wear them over jeans or even a dress: a little stacked heel, I'm not dressed up, but never dressed down. I've destroyed them. Everyday I put them on (and I do damn near wear them everyday (generally soo not like me)), and I feel badly, like someone is gonna look at me and be like, "Damn that bitch wear dem boots everyday." Well yes I do! And mind your business. I can't help it. So I've been spying some shoes, gonna treat myself to a few new pairs (the ones in the pic are some shoes I was dying for last summer and never got a chance go get, and now they're back!) and maybe even a new pair of these boots if I can find them. And some kicks are needed cause it's way past time to get on that treadmill. uuggghhh. So I'm gearing up for a shopping trip in a few weeks, finding the things I want and mapping them out. This has to be an organized trip, no more wreckless spending, cause I'm hella wreckless with mines when it comes to shopping. I'm working on it though, cause I need to be shopping for a house sooner than later.

And one of these days I have got to stay home and clean my damn house! I do that quick general clean on the weekends but that shit needs a thorough scrubbing. I swear if I could get a cleaning lady I would. Matter of fact, when I get some money, I’m getting a cleaning lady to come once a week, and I want a Nanny to stay home with baby girl (not born yet) (not conceived yet) during the day, and pick up baby boy (already here) from school.

But anyway, turns about baby girl’s daddy, Travis from the Gym Class (not really, but a girl can dream) has a drug problem and is going for treatment, who knew? I think he is the cutest thing. I think his external reflects my internal. I’m starting to see that that is what I look for in the opposite, and the crazy shit about is, that still embodies soo many different types of people. Anyway, he would probably get on my nerves though, seems like he plays too damn much, and we all know one of my personalities is borderline uptight lol.

But I’d much rather be uptight then loose. One coworker today is talking to my cube mate about a guy she is really into and thinks is cute, but he is bisexual *tires screeching* what??!??! And why is he still an up for consideration?? I’m open minded, but damn, the thought of my man having been with or being with another man just……its just unacceptable. I don’t have a problem with him being bi-sexual. That’s his business, but we definitely don’t need to date. I’m good. Not for me. This is also the chick though who had the office in an uproar cause she was walking around with mono and telling people about it. I’ll say no more.

Then cube mate who is the love of my life, informs me that when she is drunk she just gets up and leaves wherever she is, a party, club, bar, whatever. So of course I then inform her, that she is never to do that shit with me because I will track her drunken ass down and beat the hell out of her.

WTF is wrong with people?

What??!?!..That's what he told me..... <- doesn't get more random than that!

The same night, he called and apologized. Clearly he doesn't know my apology policy. I don't accept them. It's not even that I don't accept them, but it doesn't make me feel or make the situation any better, so...
It's whatever though. Truth be told, I'm not interested in fighting or arguing. There's way too much other shit going on, for me (anyone) to be waisting their breath trying to change someone's mind on some bullshit. Life's too short. Lets agree to disagree, just watch how you talk to me.
So much is changing so fast, yet many things still stand still. SBMILF ISO motivation! I'm just having a hard time believing I don't really know what I want out of life. Like, I know the outcome, but how am I getting myself there? Its really time for me to just accept the fact that I don't have to want to do and be one thing, I just have to do and be. The purpose of this blog was to document the exploration of things that I'm interested in but uhhhhh.....yea that's not happening.
I'm tired of dudes. I'm leaving. I'm walking out. I'm walking out of the "I like dudes" room. I'm not going in any other rooms, but if you're looking for me, I'll be standing in the hallway. lol
I was telling Tola yesterday, I don't have a hero or a mentor. I don't know why that is. I didn't realize that until I first set up my myspace account and they have a section for you to list your hero(es). I put Ahmir because "he saves me everyday" (although he scares me sometimes too lol),
but I can't model myself after him or seek advice/direction from him. So I just don't have one.
But I am grateful for the delivery I got at work today which was Cathie Black's book Basic Black - The Essential Guide for Getting Ahead at Work (and in Life). I wanted to get this book when she was on Oprah months ago, but my spending is out of control so I even had to stop myself from buying books. However, my book club is reading it this month, so I had to get it, and I'm so excited. I don't know if I'm looking to get anything in particular from this book, but if it creates a spark and/or enlightens me.
I like to hear the stories of and advice from successful women in the industries I'm interested in. How they sat in a cubicle like me, and how creativity, freedom, swag and perks supplemented a bleak salary... like mine lol. How they pulled themselves up by the bra/boot straps and were proactive in creating themselves and carving out a niche and a place in this world. I crave stories like those, they are the light at the end of a very long tunnel with endless detours.
So that's what I'll be doing this weekend. Reading my books and getting a much needed pedicure (it's a damn shame!). I need to be working on bettering myself and displaying that. On with it!

This totally made my day

Back to Black

Men cause most of the greasy ass things women come out of their face with. They f^ck up, and not just f#ck up, but f*ck up BIG! And when a woman can turn the other cheek, attempt to turn over a new leaf and try to start over, dude starts with some bullshit. Motherfucker are u crazy?!? I don't need this shit, especially from the likes of you!! The likes of me?? Yes nigga the likes of you. And don't ask me wtf that's supposed to mean because you really don't want me to go there. You made me say some offdensive shit like that and it gets worse. You couldn't just leave well enough alone. You had to push and push til I popped off on your ass and yes u damn right I brought up some old shit csause I didn't give it to your bitch ass the way I shiould have then. Fuck this, fuck you. Now there it is.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

My sassy ass is many things, but this person I am not. Why would one want to make me expose this side of myself. Why not just let me be me. Why try to take me there when you know I'll show up and show out everytime?? End rant.

Scared

This picture says so much. More than what is actually being said in the picture. But my question is...
why?


*stole this pic from canon