Random Rambles

This is actually a week or so old. So I've added edits so that its now accurate 2/3

~Song of the day: Total - Can't You See~
*You just don't know what you do to me*

::LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOST:: in no particular order
:makeup:
You cannot even imagine the excitement brewing in my body about MAC's Fafi Collection. I'm insanely obsessed with the packaging and ready to spend a good portion if not all of my check on it. I want everything. Just to have it. lol And maybe sell what i absolutely can't use on Ebay. I know it's going to go flying off the shelves.

^As much as I love makeup, when it comes time to (potentially) embark on new endeavors in my life, I’m usually concerned with my ability. What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not good at it? I hate not being good at things. I don’t like the word ‘insecure’ but I’m not sure there’s another word to describe what I feel. I can apply makeup to my own face to my own satisfaction, but can I do others’? I would love to try and am trying real hard not to have fear and uncertainty paralyze me. For Christmas, my wonderful best friend got me a make-up lesson with a MAC Artist I like at the Mac store in Harlem. That may go down this weekend so I’m super excited, and it was just the thing I needed to put the battery in my back, and a tremendously thoughtful gift. Thanks Loli! It’s good to have people who believe in you when you can’t muster the belief yourself sometimes. I promised myself to at least try all of the things that run across this brain of mine. What do I have to lose?
*EDIT*
so i took my class and had a really good time. I got some really good insight from my teacher Matthew (hey Matthew!) and some much needed encouragement (feeling real needy these days) and Lola's face came out amazing! Definitely looking forward to another 1 on 1 and practicing on others.. any volunteers?

:LIFE/MOTHERHOOD:
^_^At 24, my life is filled with random moments where I’m like damn, I’m really a mother. One of those moments definitely occurred when while picking my son up from school I found one of those scholastic recycled papered book club flyers taped to his cubby. When I first saw it 20 % of me felt that tinge of excitement I used to feel when I received the scholastic paper as a child. I wanted to run home and tell my mother about all the books I circled and wanted. But this time it wasn’t about me. The books aren’t books I’m interested in. And I’m the mother whose child wants her to fork over hard earned cash for books. Oh shit, I’m somebody’s mother.. Its great! Scary, but great : ) And that beautiful kid of mine is attending an open call soon. So excited for him!
*EDIT*
Exactly 3 years ago on super bowl sunday, unknownst to me, i was experiencing contractions. Anyhoo, The open call was yesterday, and the agency was actually featured on Good Morning America this morning. Ahmir was the last child to be seen yesterday (of course I wasn't completely prepared and didn't get into the city as early as I would have liked), while we were waiting he was getting restless and antsy, it was also extremely hot. But when he was the last to go in its like he got pumped, he kept saying "Mommy, I'm ready to go in!" And ready he was! That boy went in and the charm came on. Of course they loved his face, how could you not! But he was very on point and answered the questions by himself, except for where he is from. So of course in the elevator ride down I taught him to say "New York City!" The kid has already lived in 3 boroughs.

:MUSIC:
If you know me, you know I'm a Badu fanatic. The woman can do no wrong! I dare you to say otherwise. Of course I love her new video, and will buy 3 albums...just cause! One for the house, one for the car, one for the office, and of course it will be added to the itunes library for the train rides and treadmill trips (uggghhhh, thats another post in itself, but motivation is brewing!).







:RELATIONS(HIPS) LMAO:
*Feeling so smitten yet torn, ready but unsure at the same time because my mind is split on 2 levels of emotional and relationship development. I’m smiling, heart fluttering, but I'm nervous and closed off. Long story short, I’m driving myself nuts! But that’s what I do. Its all good.
*EDIT*
I'm not feeling shit! Tired of bullshit..i don't even wanna talk about this!

What it is

I'm letting a lot of things go and becoming more self-centered (if that is at all possible). I'm focused on me and the one I love. Allowing and embracing my randominity (yes, I just made that up) and allowing myself to discover exactly who I am by trying all the things I would like to try, which would be: my hand at make-up artistry, sewing, writing, photography, growing my hair out healthily (yes this has become a hobby, a borderline obsession) and whatever else I decide.

It’s not easy to describe the complex being that is me. There’s a lot of shit to me, as there is everyone else, and trying to find the words…well who has the time? One thing I can say about myself without any question is that I am extremely random, I interrupt my own thoughts and sentences (tons of parenthesis can be found in anything written by me). So many thoughts and one mouth, sometimes things get clogged. So it’s my goal to sort it all out so I’ll be able to see and construct my thoughts and build some type of order. I want to document these things as a way to look back and monitor my growth, and put together a lookbook so to speak : ) sound good? Good.